Pirates, anyone?

Liz: I wish one of the special features could be Johnny Depp coming out of the screen to make out with you.

Christmas Hilarity

Tom: ...it's like a poor man's version of Teach For America.

Joshua: Like "Teach for the Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan"?


***

NO, Harry, the problem is NOT that we're both dudes!!

Becca: Ok, why do all my kids refer to Mexico as "up there"?

It's been awhile...

Becca: [says something about Josh Dalley] We need a different name for him, because it's OK to call DoBell "DoBell," but I never call Josh Dalley "Dalley," so we need another name so you know which Josh I mean when it's him.

Tami: How about JD?

*****

Becca: The band kids are the good kids...mostly. But like, some of them are really shy, and well-mannered, and so it's like...."Oh...Maria McWilliams is humping a flute. OK."

*****

[Alex Trebek: Frank Lloyd Wright intended for visitors to start at the top and work down in this NYC art museum.]

Becca: Um...I was going to say the Guggenheim, but then I realized that's the most retarded possible answer.

[Regis: What is the Guggenheim?

Alex: That's correct!]

Why people should drink less

Becca: I mean, obviously I've never been drunk enough to poop on someone's computer.

***

Tami: She peed his bed? Who does that?

Just your average Saturday night in Chapel Hill with a Sunday night movie to boot...

[After many a discussion on it's perfectly legal to turn right on red unless there's a sign, we encounter yet another red light, waiting to turn right with no one headed our way.]

Tami: Um, you can go, Liz.

Liz: I can??

Tami: Well, there's no sign saying you can't...

Liz: I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE SIGNS!!

***
[Watching "The Emperor's New Groove"]

Becca: Kronk kinda reminds me of my brother.

Becca: Elise, you look like you're trying to compete with Tami Nopants.

Elise: Yeah, Tami, it looks like you and Elili are in competition.*

[Elise's pants are unzipped. Tami's totally sitting at the kitchen table in her underwear. As usual.]

Ms. P: What wants to eat Nunu?

Your mom has chiggers

Jenny: My roommate has fleas.

***

Tami: My foot itches. I think I have Lyme Disease.

***

Liz: Tami, you better watch out or I'm gonna release the ticks.

***

Elise: I'm gonna have to set time aside to do this.

Tami: Do what?

Elise: This.

Tami: Have friends?

***

Tami (last Friday, to her class): Your mom can pick it up with her teeth.

Desperation Beckons.

[Jenny and Tami are watching a movie; Becca is in another room having dinner but within earshot.]

Tami: Yay! I love love stories.

*sigh*

I really need to make out with someone.

Jenny: Me, TOO!

Becca: WORD.

Concert

Jenny: Sorry, I'm gonna put my hand in your crotch a little bit.

Josh: No, PLEASE DO!

WELCOME BACK!

[Tami tells story of some wise use of plastic bags in her classroom]

Elise: Oh, Tami, you're such a smarty pants.

Liz: Smarty no pants.

Editor's Note: Tami likes to walk around in her underwear.

***

Jenny: Liz failed third grade!

***

Liz: I just have two things to say. A) Those are my noodles. B) I'm really, really sorry.

***

Tami: We need Becca on here! She's the only one not on here!

Liz: Becca, be funny NOW.

***

Becca: Can that go on Schlode? Tami saying, "I want an I actual pig."

***

Becca: I wasn't waiting for him this morning. I was waiting for him yesterday. Today I was waiting for him in my bed asleep.

Can't you just hear Gwen Stefani "n-a-n-a'ing" it like a broken record?

Alternate title suggestions:

• "this bread is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a. . ."
• ""I don't think that's how Gwen Stefani spells it"

Feel free to submit your own!!

***

[From an e-mail Becca sent... I almost edited, but you have to just read the entire e-mail!!]

This might need some editing, but I wanted to make sure you got enough context...

[Becca]: i think i'm going to bake some banana bread

Bailey: mmmm
you should make pumpkin bread instead
bananas are gross. pumpkin bread is soooooo yummy

[Becca]: but i have overripe banananas.
i totally did that by accident, btw.

Later in the same conversation...

Bailey: enjoy your banananananananana bread tomorrow!

That's right, I am a tool. T-U-L.

"Y'all scare me"

Becca: I mean, I live in the south and when I talk people are like, "Oh, you're a Yankee." No one says, "Are you from Ireland?".

Honorary Summer Schlode entry:

Darla: I keep a box of matches by the bed but not for candles...

Retrospective

We're talking about when we all got here as first year T*FA'ers last year. Elise has finally made her way onto Schlode!!

Elise: This one person was just this huge R. Kelly fan. I was just like, "Why are we talking about him? He pees on people."

Ruth: I think that if I had a child with a peanut allergy I'd have to just take them out back and drown them.

[Becca's mom... said with both her children- Becca and Tom- in the room]

The Problems with Teaching

Liz: There are too many restrictions when it comes to teaching- you can't play certain music in your workspace...

Tom: You can't walk around naked .

Gotta love long weekends

Liz: It's all about doing the breaststroke nude.

Tami: Why do fireflies spark like that anyway?
Bailey: I think it's a mating call.
Tami: Oooo, I'll mate with you!! Where're you at?
Becca: That's just so disturbing on so many levels.
Liz [with disgust]: "Where are you at?"
Bailey: Horrible grammar, Tami! Where already implies location. You don't need the preposition. It's redundant.
Tami: I can't believe that I just offered to mate with a firefly and what disturbs you most was my incorrect grammar.

Tami, upon her inaugural skinny dipping experience: Uh, guys, I am totally nipping out. I think my nipples are broken.

Tami, to Liz: You gotta turn the Liz on. I mean the thing. I just called Liz the TV. I mean I just called the TV Liz. But you're Liz. Ah, frickin' eh. I quit talking for life.

Bailey's here reading examples of vocab sentences from her SAT Prep classes. Here's an AWESOME one:

My effervescent excitement caused me to knock over a stand of small, spicy, spinach scorpion skins after learning I won a wet T-shirt contest in Japan.