Becca: Like, if you're 60 and your mother dies you can't be surprised.

[General laughter / horror ensues... random jests about heartlessness, etc]


Becca: I mean, if my mother is still alive when I'm 60 and then she dies I'll be sad because I really love my mom, but I mean, come on, how surprised could I actually be?

Tami: No, penis is fine with me.













** Despite Becca's pleas that I not put this in context, and understanding that this would ensue in general hilarity were I to not put it in context... for the sake of propriety I must explain that this conversation was about using anatomically correct terms. There was the idea that I would hate the actual word for the male genitalia. I, of course, popped off with the above comment, which was just TOO funny to not put on Schlode, according to the roomies :)

Grammy lovin' fun...

Liz: He looks homeless. That's all I have to say about that.

[Pertaining to Justin Timberlake]

***

Liz: He looks like Jack Black
Tami: Like a black Jack Black.
Liz: Is he black?


***

Tami: He's kinda freakishly tall.
Elise: He's kinda freaky looking.
Liz: He kinda looks like Edward Scissorhands.
Becca: It's funny that he looks kinda like Edward Scissorhands and yet nothing like Johnny Depp.

[About John Mayer]

***

Tami: How can she be comfortable in that? I feel like I can almost see her business.
Becca: That's because you CAN almost see her business!

[About Shakira]

***

Liz: Ok, come on, I need something else shaped like a cone.
Tami: Oh, a funnel! Like for your oil. Or milk!
Becca: Ok, for your OIL or MILK??

[Ok, not about the Grammy's but it's during the Grammy's]


***


Liz: Ok, that's all. That'll do, pig. I mean, not that either of you are pigs. Uh... uh... I mean, you know what I meant.

***

I love my roommates :)

Rules People

Mary: Ok, seriously- who does that?

Dairy Qu-WEEEEEEN!

Becca: Guys, no one's allowed to look at me.
Tami: Are you going to lick your plate?

[PAUSE]

Tami: You totally are! PLATE LICKER!!
Becca: Well I can't do it if you're looking! I'm nervous!!

Note: Dairy Queen Ice cream cake was totally harmed in the making of this production. Wuh-ooops.

Pirates, anyone?

Liz: I wish one of the special features could be Johnny Depp coming out of the screen to make out with you.

Christmas Hilarity

Tom: ...it's like a poor man's version of Teach For America.

Joshua: Like "Teach for the Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan"?


***

NO, Harry, the problem is NOT that we're both dudes!!

Becca: Ok, why do all my kids refer to Mexico as "up there"?

It's been awhile...

Becca: [says something about Josh Dalley] We need a different name for him, because it's OK to call DoBell "DoBell," but I never call Josh Dalley "Dalley," so we need another name so you know which Josh I mean when it's him.

Tami: How about JD?

*****

Becca: The band kids are the good kids...mostly. But like, some of them are really shy, and well-mannered, and so it's like...."Oh...Maria McWilliams is humping a flute. OK."

*****

[Alex Trebek: Frank Lloyd Wright intended for visitors to start at the top and work down in this NYC art museum.]

Becca: Um...I was going to say the Guggenheim, but then I realized that's the most retarded possible answer.

[Regis: What is the Guggenheim?

Alex: That's correct!]

Why people should drink less

Becca: I mean, obviously I've never been drunk enough to poop on someone's computer.

***

Tami: She peed his bed? Who does that?

Just your average Saturday night in Chapel Hill with a Sunday night movie to boot...

[After many a discussion on it's perfectly legal to turn right on red unless there's a sign, we encounter yet another red light, waiting to turn right with no one headed our way.]

Tami: Um, you can go, Liz.

Liz: I can??

Tami: Well, there's no sign saying you can't...

Liz: I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE SIGNS!!

***
[Watching "The Emperor's New Groove"]

Becca: Kronk kinda reminds me of my brother.

Becca: Elise, you look like you're trying to compete with Tami Nopants.

Elise: Yeah, Tami, it looks like you and Elili are in competition.*

[Elise's pants are unzipped. Tami's totally sitting at the kitchen table in her underwear. As usual.]

Ms. P: What wants to eat Nunu?

Your mom has chiggers

Jenny: My roommate has fleas.

***

Tami: My foot itches. I think I have Lyme Disease.

***

Liz: Tami, you better watch out or I'm gonna release the ticks.

***

Elise: I'm gonna have to set time aside to do this.

Tami: Do what?

Elise: This.

Tami: Have friends?

***

Tami (last Friday, to her class): Your mom can pick it up with her teeth.

Desperation Beckons.

[Jenny and Tami are watching a movie; Becca is in another room having dinner but within earshot.]

Tami: Yay! I love love stories.

*sigh*

I really need to make out with someone.

Jenny: Me, TOO!

Becca: WORD.

Concert

Jenny: Sorry, I'm gonna put my hand in your crotch a little bit.

Josh: No, PLEASE DO!

WELCOME BACK!

[Tami tells story of some wise use of plastic bags in her classroom]

Elise: Oh, Tami, you're such a smarty pants.

Liz: Smarty no pants.

Editor's Note: Tami likes to walk around in her underwear.

***

Jenny: Liz failed third grade!

***

Liz: I just have two things to say. A) Those are my noodles. B) I'm really, really sorry.

***

Tami: We need Becca on here! She's the only one not on here!

Liz: Becca, be funny NOW.

***

Becca: Can that go on Schlode? Tami saying, "I want an I actual pig."

***

Becca: I wasn't waiting for him this morning. I was waiting for him yesterday. Today I was waiting for him in my bed asleep.

Can't you just hear Gwen Stefani "n-a-n-a'ing" it like a broken record?

Alternate title suggestions:

• "this bread is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a. . ."
• ""I don't think that's how Gwen Stefani spells it"

Feel free to submit your own!!

***

[From an e-mail Becca sent... I almost edited, but you have to just read the entire e-mail!!]

This might need some editing, but I wanted to make sure you got enough context...

[Becca]: i think i'm going to bake some banana bread

Bailey: mmmm
you should make pumpkin bread instead
bananas are gross. pumpkin bread is soooooo yummy

[Becca]: but i have overripe banananas.
i totally did that by accident, btw.

Later in the same conversation...

Bailey: enjoy your banananananananana bread tomorrow!

That's right, I am a tool. T-U-L.

"Y'all scare me"

Becca: I mean, I live in the south and when I talk people are like, "Oh, you're a Yankee." No one says, "Are you from Ireland?".

Honorary Summer Schlode entry:

Darla: I keep a box of matches by the bed but not for candles...